Computer Fever

I've been wishing lately that I didn't have to spend my day surrounded by computers and by the Internet. The computer is now like an extension of my body...and sometimes I don't like it. It's as if it's part of myself. I get lost in it. It's a little weird...especially since it has helped to destroy the arms and hands of some of my friends as well as my own. It's a love-hate relationship. The problem is that the computer totally fascinates me. The Internet fascinates me. I can't escape.

Before email, I used to hand-write letters to everyone...even to people who lived in the next town over. It was my hobby and one of my passions. The feel of the pen, the careful choosing of the stationery, the planning of the letter's content, the decorating of the envelope and the enclosure of amusing (and often shiny) things. The anticipation of opening the mailbox at the end of the school day with hopes of finding a reply. Reading something in someone else's hand. Feeling the paper. How artful and slow and personal and real it all was.

I often feel that the reality of my life is slipping away as I spend time on the computer. Nothing is real. It's all bits of data that I can't hold. Nothing physical. It makes me live in my mind instead of in space. It's horrible, weird and wonderful all at once. Sometimes I wish I could lead a life where the computer is used only as a tool for work. However, they're just too much fun. I could never do it. So many things to play with.