More insanity

I always come back to this blog when I'm feeling particularly stressed out, crazy, and insecure. It's true. I apologize. It's got to go somewhere, right?

The MA exam is in a month. ONE MONTH. That's FOUR WEEKS. That's not enough time for me to prepare. I just got back from a study session that made me feel completely inadequate and hopeless, and it is not helpful. I cannot go to another one. I love those people, but I hate how they make me feel -- I come away from each session feeling bad about myself and doubting myself...and that is just not good. I'm having enough trouble feeling any modicum of confidence as it is, so trying to identify unknown scores out loud with my classmates, who either have more time or better recall for random details (especially dates!) or have mad skills at harmonic analysis, just. makes. me. feel. pathetic.


I had hoped to spend my evening watching a movie with Neil and a friend, but that's not going to happen now. I have to stick my nose back in this damned book and slog through the 18th century so I can hope to be able to guess (GUESS!!!) who might have written a piece I have never seen (SEEN...not heard, but seen) before. Sound crazy? Well it is. And I wish I could do it with confidence, but it is terrifying.


When this is over, I'm done with it. Maybe some day music will be interesting and fun again...not a source of anxiety, angst, hatred, disgust, self loathing, and pity.


Womp womp.


On another note, here is a picture from Old Songs a few weeks ago. It makes me feel a little better.