Plan? What plan?

So I made a plan a year or so ago that I'd go back to school after this coming summer and I'd get myself in gear and move on with my life. Unfortunately, I lost track of time and have made absolutely no decisions or plans or anything. I have no idea what I would want to go back to school for...well, I have ideas, but the idea of having so much work to do and so many requirements to fulfill makes me not at all interested in any of my options. What is it? Is it laziness? Lack of drive? Lack of ambition? Lack of any clear goal for life or career? Fear of change? Fear of failure? Fear of living with my decisions? Fear of making decisions? All of the above? I'm going to choose that last one.

I can make up thousands of little excuses for not doing something. It's remarkable. I'm an excuse-making wonder.

Most of the time I feel like the condition of my hands is a valid excuse. I can't write or type for more than ten minutes without my hands and arms cramping/aching/stabbing and feeling like lead. Imagine constant writers' cramp that never goes away and invades the shoulders and neck as well. Imagine fingers that don't want to do what you want them to do. How could I take notes in class? Write exams? If I started a musicology degree, I'd have to prove keyboard proficiency...how would I play piano? Would I just do it anyway and get through it somehow? I do that every day at work and it makes me crazy...knowing that as I type this, I am injuring myself even more....

I feel stuck in and trapped by my own body. There's no guarantee that I'll feel better in a year or even five years. Considering that, my hands are not a valid excuse. So I guess they're just a nuisance and a challenge I will have to overcome. Possibly for the rest of my life.

What I need is a couple of months off where I could go somewhere with lots of trees and a lake. Maybe some mountains too, for texture. Where I could escape the computer and where I could do my exercises and re-build my body and my brain. I wonder if I were to go through an extended period of active rest like that (i.e. not using my hands the way I have been) would I heal faster? Would my mind clear?