Decisions and stress

So, normally, decisions are a huge problem for me. Combine a decision with the possible death of a family member and it's nearly impossible. After a week of pure, hellish, emotional stress we've decided to go ahead and have the expensive surgery done for Penny. Both vets I've consulted think it's the best route to go -- the best chance to try and save our kitty. However, the likelihood of the cancer returning is pretty high, so we've just got to hope and pray that they get all of it out during surgery.

It's terrifying for me, knowing that these cells are growing inside her and that her fate suddenly lies in my hands. And it's tragic to me that she doesn't know what is going on and she won't understand why we have her carved up/why she is in pain and shaved and stitched up. We're hoping that because she is a strong little soul, she'll come out of it ok and even if some cells are left, maybe we can battle them through other means (nutrition, stress reduction, lots of love and attention) and they can remain at bay for a while.

But who does it benefit? Part of the reason we've decided to do this is because if we don't, and she dies in a few months, would we look back and say, "Why didn't we do the surgery!?" But there's still a nagging feeling in my gut that says that we should just let nature do its thing. That we're doing this surgery for us, not really for her (since it's not a definitive treatment and it's not going to be pleasant).

I really don't know what is right. It's not going to be right for our pocketbook, that's for sure.