Jealousy

I'm not sure how appropriate it is to post all this online, but it has been on my mind a lot the last few days and it's getting me down. When something has been such a huge part of my life for nearly a decade and it's suddenly gone, it's difficult for me to adjust and it seems like it might help to vent my feelings to the world.

I find myself incredibly jealous of the new T&S. They are discovering the joy in their new line of work (a joy that nearly disappeared entirely from Neil's experience, a joy that seems to be missing from my existence at the moment due to my arm troubles and matters of indecision). They're learning something entirely new, exciting, and challenging...doing something that virtually nobody else does. They have something Neil had that he doesn't have anymore. How can I not be jealous?

I am also sad that all our good friends have now pretty much moved away and that we'll never really be part of this new group. We'll most likely always be outsiders to an extent, and that makes me incredibly sad and jealous. I'm sad for Neil, who gets to work with them, but doesn't get to join in the fun in the same way. I'm also sad for the girls, who don't get to work with them at all. I'm sad that when this new group changes and there's another incarnation, Neil probably won't be involved in any of it. It seems weird.

In other news, I get to escape the Big E in order to go to Old Songs. I am excited to go, but not to fly and not to go without Neil. He's pretty bummed.

Neil has his first orchestral audition on July 7. Keep your fingers crossed! It's funny to think that I've taken orchestral auditions and he hasn't.

Hopefully, after all this hecticness dies down a bit, we can can get to know our new friends better and do some quality hanging out.